Skin As White As Snow

Summer is upon us. Or at least the British version of summer, which still includes a large amount of rainy and grey days but with at least some chance of sun inbetween. It's this time of year when I suddenly remember that I don't really like summer. Yes, yes, I know, it's practically blasphemy to speak ill of the wonders of the hot hot sun but honestly I'm just not a fan.

For one thing I don't enjoy extreme heat, it just gives me headache and makes me tired, but I think the main problem is that my skin really is a whiter shade of pale. I've heard the expression "pale and interesting" but I don't think that I agree.

Being pale highlights all your flaws, and makes you stand out in a crowd of tanned limbs. I prefer pale to perma-tanned orange but I think there is a happy medium which would be perfect for the summer months - and perhaps if I were that shade I would dare to show my legs!

Now, I do realise that not all self-tans will turn you orange and of course there is moisturiser with just a hint of tan but these just don't seem to work on me. It looks as though I have painted my skin - I simply don't suit a fake tan, and since I am unable to get a natural tan (I always end up resembling an overgrown lobster) I fear I am stuck with being paler than Wednesday Addams.

So, what is left other than to embrace my whiteness and dazzle others with its purity...if I so dare. Plenty of famous beautiful women are also very pale skinned. Nobody can deny that Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansson are beautiful but they're also as white as white can be. If they can be pale and beautiful then so can I. Plus, it should save me from skin cancer, which is definitely a positive.

I think it might take a few more steps until I subject the world to my legs, and I'm not quite sure how my legs would take to the outside world without the security of a pair of tights! Watch this space for extremely pale skin, coming to parks and gardens all around Yorkshire!